Escape From The ICU! (part two)

This time I wasn't in the ICU very long. I think it was only a few days. Of course I had no idea that I would be out of there so quickly, so I was depressed and disheartened and disgusted and lots of other words that started with "D". Dr. Ramos, the shrink, came in to see me a few times. After the third or fourth visit he threw himself off the GW Bridge.* It was between that and swallowing Drano, but being a health care professional he knew that the lye would be very painful and wouldn't taste very good, even on the rocks with a twist. And it might even have caused a panic among both the nurses and the maintainance staff if it got really messy, like if his colon wound up in pieces on the floor of the staff lounge. I spent a lot of time watching TV. "Pet Star" on Animal Planet was a particular favorite; people brought their trained dogs or pot-bellied Vietnamese pigs or snails (honest, a kid actually brought a snail!) and had them do mostly ridiculous tricks, trying to win 2500 bucks. I loved the stupidity of the show until some skinny girl showed up with Einstein, the African Grey parrot. All African Greys look almost exactly alike, so it was like watching Oscar. Right then I wanted to follow Dr. Ramos with a swan-dive off the bridge of my own. There was one particular commercial that depressed me, too. These young, buff looking guys are on the beach challenging each other to a game of volleyball. It was a commercial for Coolatta, a drink at Dunkin' Donuts. Boy, did it look yummy. Every time I saw that damn commercial it made me realize that there was a chance that I was never going to be able to do everyday things again, like go to a Dunkin' Donuts or play volleyball or go to the mikva. Actually, I didn't really care too much about the last two, but if I couldn't ever eat another egg and cheese on a croissant, I would be really upset. Just as I was really getting into the depression and feeling really sorry for myself, they kicked me out again and sent me to yet another private room. Was it gonna stick this time? Did being in a real room mean that I was one step closer to getting discharged? Did Luke really rape Laura in the disco? Tune in next time for the next exciting episode of "Rocky Zweig, Medical Marvel".
* Relax, Dr. Ramos didn't really kill himself, I made it up. Had you there for a minute, didn't I?