The Write Stuff

 

So I'm reading the HaModia magazine at Chayie's kitchen table at 2:00 in the Morning on Shabbos and I come across this article.  First let's address why I was there at that time reading.  I've developed this habit of getting up in the wee, small hours of the morning (thank you, Frank Sinatra) when I'm at the Fisch residence for Shabbos and reading and rummaging.  The reading is usually focused on the "Noted and Quoted" section of the Yated Ne'eman or the equivalent section in the HaModia, the name of which escapes me.  These are rather entertaining features wherein the respective newspapers quote various politicians or pundits or comedians.  The quotes are usually quite amusing, and since Orthodox Jewish newspapers tend to lean to the right, there's usually a lot of negative stuff about Obama, our Moron-in-Chief.  Also stuff about the Rubashkin case, which is usually interesting.  The rummaging is for food.  Chayie's kitchen is a wonderland.  One of my favorite foods in the world is Stella D'oro Swiss Fudge Cookies.  To die for.  How I eat them depends on what time it is: if it's early I eat them with tea, because I like to dunk 'em and I can't use milk because I'm still fleishig*.  If it's later, like 2:00, I use milk, because it's obvioulsy better to dunk in milk than in tea.  But there are always other delicasies lying around, like rugelach, twizzlers, sour balls and ice cream.  I have to be careful with the ice cream, though; Dave tends to get very posessive about it.  So anyway, there was this article in the HaModia magazine.  The feature title was "Holding on tight: Straphangers."  No, it wasn't about the subway.  Apparently it is going to be a permanent feature in the magazine, which, according to their accompanying blurb, "[will open] a window to the hearts of ordinary people whose lives were suddenly catapulted into extraordinary challenges of health and survival."  Ummm...hello?  Is there anyone better qualified to submit an article than Yours Truly?  Did someone say "Pulitzer"?  Heck, I could have even written a better blurb than they did!  I mean, I know they were trying really hard to sound...what?  Profound?  But come on, now..."whose lives were suddenly catapulted"??  What does that even mean?  So without even asking them if they were looking for freelance pieces, I wrote one.  It's four pages long, using a 12 pt. font.  I don't know if that's too long or not.  It pretty much captures the essence of my recovery without going into the tiniest of details.  For example, I discuss Oscar but I leave out all the other birds.  I mention setbacks, but I don't go into the gory details of each and every one.  Honestly, I think it's pretty good.  The first time I submitted an article to them, they published it.  That was way back before I got sick.  They ran an ad soliciting articles from people who had lost their jobs and found the experience to have been a blessing in disguise.  The feature ran under the title, "Dark Clouds, Silver Linings".  I wrote that after I lost my job, I started performing at nursing homes, thereby fulfilling the lifelong dream of making my living singing.  Unbeknownst to me, I was about to become gravely ill.  So I guess I owe them a follow-up piece.  I called and they said they absolutely were accepting freelance stuff, so I emailed it to them, along with some juicy pictures.  I'm about 90% sure they'll accept it.  But don't worry; I'll still speak to all you little people.  You might just have to make an appointment.

*fleishig = having eaten meat, one must wait before eating dairy. 
How long varies; there are different traditions, depending on where
one's ancestors originated.  Most Orthodox Jews wait six hours,
some wait three hours, and there are even those who wait one hour.