Happy New Year!



Make believe picture of Community's ER.

Actual picture of actual toilet seat in
Community's actual ER
with actual blood on it.

I got to the Community ER at around noon. Candle lighting* that day was at 4:20 PM. A nurse named Boris (I'm pretty sure he was a guy)escorted me to one of those curtained-off cubicles and told me to put on the gown that was lying on the bed. I didn't. He wanted to know why, so I told him that I had been in way too many hospital gowns this year, thank you very much, and that all I wanted was for someone to listen to my chest and maybe get an x-ray. At 2:00 I still hadn't been seen by a doctor. It finally occurred to me that maybe they had just forgotten about me, so I called over a nurse and mentioned that I still hadn't been seen. "Dr. Domsky hasn't seen you yet?" she asked incredulously. She actually tried to convince me that I had indeed been seen. "Are you sure?" she inquired. It was surreal. She wandered over to the elusive Dr. Domsky who assured her he would see me in five minutes. at 2:20 I decided that if he didn't show up by 2:30, I was gonna pull a Rocky and waltz right out of there. At 2:25 he finally came over and listened to my chest. "You take water peel?" he wanted to know. Yes, I said, I take water peel called Lasix. For why you aks? "You are chaving flude in lung." I am chaving fude in lung all the time, I told him, without sharp pain. "We get chast x-ray". After the chast x-ray, nice nursie came over with some bottles. She told me they were Lasix and she was going to administer them intravenously. They had already taken blood and put in an IV port, L-rd only knows why. It was now 3:30, about 50 minutes before Shabbos. There was no way I was going to let them start an IV, especially an unnecessary one. "I think I"ll pass," I said, while putting on my coat. "You no want?" "Yes, I no want." "For why you no want?" "I am chaving Lasix at chome, I go chome, take peel." After that, no one liked me anymore. Dr. Domsky sent over an AMA ("Against Medical Advice") discharge form for me to sign. They really get testy when you tell them where to stick their IV. Then I went chome.

* Candle lighting = never mind, you know what candle lighting is.

Actual Fat Guy in Community ER with
actual "Happy 2011" glasses
with actual flashing lights
on his actual head.