There's a New Sheriff in Town

I was discharged on Friday. I had not yet been to see Dr. DePalo in his swank Park Avenue office. Park Avenue is very ironically named; the one thing you can't do there is park! I had not yet been given clearance to drive, so I had to be chauffeured wherever I went. Chayie drove me that day. She circled around a day or two and finally wound up putting the car in a lot. That's also ironically named; if you park there it's gonna cost you a lot! Get it? A lot! My gosh, I am soooooo clever today. I'm on a roll, which is good because yesterday I was on an onion bagel. We had to walk about a block and a half from Lexington to Park, all uphill. It was understandable that I was huffing and puffing, but Chayie wasn't doing too hot, either. She was having trouble with her knee and was krech'tzing* right along with me. When we got to his office, Dr. DePalo had his serious face on. I could tell he was going to tell me something I didn't want to hear. Then he spake: "Ron," he said, "There's a new sheriff in town.  From now on you can't eat or drink or use salt the way you used to. The Prednisone will make you retain fat and retain fluid and you'll keep winding up at Mt. Sinai. I'm gonna put you on a regimen and make sure you stick to it.  Also, I want you on oxygen 24/7 until further notice, kapish?" Sheesh, this guy was tough!  Only problem with the oxygen was that I didn't have any.  Because my sats were above 90 when I left Silver Lake, Big Brother Oxford, in their infinite wisdom, decided I didn't need any and therefore didn't provide any.  So Sheriff DePalo got on the horn and whipped them into shape.  Almost as soon as he hung up, there was a concentrator and a bunch of tanks of O2 sitting in Chayie's living room.  Gee, Dr. DePalo...tanks a lot! (couldn't resist.)

* I don't really know an accurate translation for "krech'tzing." It's different than "kvetching," which is really just complaining. Krech'tzing is sort of like moaning, but not quite; it's more intense. It has more...shmaltz.