"I was bruised and battered,I couldn't tell what I felt,
I was unrecognizable to myself"
-Bruce Springsteen, "Streets of Philadelphia"
I've been taking Coumadin since my episode with Atrial Fibrillation. It's an innocuous enough looking pill, but apparently it's potentially quite dangerous because it must be monitored extremely closely. I go to Dr. Katzenelenbogen usually about every week to ten days and he takes blood to see what shape my blood's clotting factor is in. If the numbers are a hair off in either direction, my dosage gets changed. For example, I've been taking 2.5 milligrams a day every day except Wednesday. Why Wednesday, I have no idea. Anyway, I went to see him last week and called him Monday to check the results and he told me to take one extra milligram that day only, then to go back to my old schedule, except without skipping Wednesday. If that sounds confusing to you, imagine how I feel! I'm not the most organized person in the world, and I have the short-term memory of a three-toed sloth. Now, I'll bet you did
n't know that three-toed sloths were famous for having lousy short-term memory. I'll bet you thought they were just famous for their...um...sloth. Well, there are two possible reasons you didn't know about the sloth's memory problems: firstly, nobody gives a damn about it, and secondly, I made it up. it's 2:08 AM and I have an appointment with Dr. DePalo tomorrow and he's going to yell at me for being too fat and I can't sleep so I'm writing this and the three-toed sloth just flew into my mind as an example of an animal with a lousy short-term memory. At some point I should really try to segue back into discussing Coumadin, but I'm too tired for segue-ing, so I'm just gonna go back to Coumadin abruptly. You know, I really like that picture of the sloth; sloths are actually quite ugly creatures, and that photo makes this particular sloth look downright cute. Should we name him? Come on, it'll be fun! We haven't had a contest on this blog in a long time. As a matter of fact, I think I still owe Surele a Lexus. Okay, send me your best name for the sloth, and you can have one of my grandchildren. I'd offer you one of my kids but they're all growed up and might hit me. I'm going to finish this post soon, I promise. I just want to explain the dalmatian. Because Coumadin thins your blood, it makes you especially susceptible to bruising. Heck, if I even think about bumping into something, I get a black and blue mark. They're all over my body: on my arms, my legs, my belly (yes, my belly). Hence the dalmatian (spots all over...get it? Of course you do; youre not reading this at 2:21 AM!). Another thing about Coumadin: it's supposed to prevent certain medical crises (primarily strokes and heart attacks) from occurring, but if they do occur anyway, it seems the Coumadin makes matters worse, because you bleed more and that limits your treatment options. In the case of stroke, it makes the stroke itself worse, because the bleeding in the brain is more severe. You know what? I think I'll skip tomorrow's 2.5 milligrams of rat poison. Good night.
n't know that three-toed sloths were famous for having lousy short-term memory. I'll bet you thought they were just famous for their...um...sloth. Well, there are two possible reasons you didn't know about the sloth's memory problems: firstly, nobody gives a damn about it, and secondly, I made it up. it's 2:08 AM and I have an appointment with Dr. DePalo tomorrow and he's going to yell at me for being too fat and I can't sleep so I'm writing this and the three-toed sloth just flew into my mind as an example of an animal with a lousy short-term memory. At some point I should really try to segue back into discussing Coumadin, but I'm too tired for segue-ing, so I'm just gonna go back to Coumadin abruptly. You know, I really like that picture of the sloth; sloths are actually quite ugly creatures, and that photo makes this particular sloth look downright cute. Should we name him? Come on, it'll be fun! We haven't had a contest on this blog in a long time. As a matter of fact, I think I still owe Surele a Lexus. Okay, send me your best name for the sloth, and you can have one of my grandchildren. I'd offer you one of my kids but they're all growed up and might hit me. I'm going to finish this post soon, I promise. I just want to explain the dalmatian. Because Coumadin thins your blood, it makes you especially susceptible to bruising. Heck, if I even think about bumping into something, I get a black and blue mark. They're all over my body: on my arms, my legs, my belly (yes, my belly). Hence the dalmatian (spots all over...get it? Of course you do; youre not reading this at 2:21 AM!). Another thing about Coumadin: it's supposed to prevent certain medical crises (primarily strokes and heart attacks) from occurring, but if they do occur anyway, it seems the Coumadin makes matters worse, because you bleed more and that limits your treatment options. In the case of stroke, it makes the stroke itself worse, because the bleeding in the brain is more severe. You know what? I think I'll skip tomorrow's 2.5 milligrams of rat poison. Good night. 
great, since i'm the only one reading this blog winning the name contast is a sure thing....so i'll say.....um.....Harry. He kind of looks like a Harry doesn't he. Now nobody else start reading here and steal my thunder....oh and i want Meira. i prefer kinds whio can't talk back.
ReplyDeleteThat's a problem. I don't think I wanna give up Meira. Also, Blimie might object.
ReplyDeleteponcho
ReplyDeletedont know where that came from
it just sounds right
if i win i want a telescope
do they really have three toes?
why dont they give you sleeping pills or something?
The judges have conferred and determined that it's a tie, so the sloth shall heretofore be known as...Harry Poncho!
ReplyDelete