A Dentist in a Previous Life?

The Bone Marrow biopsy (still three of the scariest words ever) was to be performed at Dr. Youngblood's office. I had not yet been given the green light to drive, so Chayie chauffeured me there. "There" was pretty far: his office is out in Yehupitz* somewhere. My Tzadeikes** sister sat dutifully in the waiting room, blissfully unaware of the horrors that were unfolding in the inner sanctum of the evil young doctor's lair. I was instructed to drop my drawers and lie on my side, as per the picture below. Dr. Y. informed me that he was first going to numb the area with a shot of Lydocaine and then go fishing around for some marrow. "This won't hurt a bit," he assured me. "You shouldn't feel any pain, but if you feel uncomfortable because of the pressure, just tell me and I'll stop." Hmmm...now where have I

heard that before? When I was a kid my family used a dentist in Boro Park named Irving T. Mandelbaum***. I'm not certain whether the good doctor had ever actually attended dental school or not, but back in the 50's and 60's it really didn't matter much. The instruments dentists used back then were so primitive they looked like props in a bad Vincent Price movie. Those of you old enough to remember rotary phones and the Everly Brothers will remember those drills. Ugh! The thought still makes me shiver, all these years later. No shpritzing water. No high-tech, no high speed. Just Dr. Mandelbaum's foot on the pedal that controlled the damn thing and his paw in my mouth. And in those days, dentists didn't wear gloves. He washed his hands (thank G-d for small favors) and then proceeded to shove his hairy knuckles in my mouth; sometimes it seemed they were halfway down my throat. Anyway, I still remember those immortal words: This shouldn't hurt a bit. You won't feel any pain, but if you feel too much pressure, just raise your hand and I'll stop. So here it was maybe fifty years later and I'm lying helpless on a table with my butt in the air and the guy is taking a phrase straight out of my childhood nemesis' playbook...straight out of the deepest, darkest recesses of my psyche. One of Mel Brooks' earliest films was "The Twelve Chairs". There's a song in the movie called "Hope for the best, expect the worst". That's how I felt, lying there, helpless on that table. And that's just what I got: the worst.

* Yehupitz: Yiddish slang for "the Boonies"

** Tzadeikes: Righteous woman

*** Not his real name, although I'm not sure why not!